I feel Psychedelic

From the dawning of mankind, people have been living in a symbiotic relationship with nature. Nature provides food and shelter, which are crucial for the existence of human beings. Without these we cannot move forward in life and do greater things. But nature also provided other things. It provided answers.

Certain plants or combinations of plants gave people another kind of power, a power which is a taboo today. This power is the power to travel into ones own psyche, ones own consciousness, and find things which he would otherwise never know were there, or never understand. These answers which were shared by humans all over the world in many different tribes, were either impossible to come by without this inward travel, or might need years of realizations and trying.

Today we have the legal and social systems which do not accept these altered states. In my opinion this is unfortunate because I think we are missing out on experiences which are life changing, and could help our human perspective become better in general. Maybe we could even regain our lost and loving relationship with nature. The nature which has been here long before us and which we are a part of. The nature we pollute and destroy daily, not realizing that we are actually doing these things to ourselves and our children

For those who are thinking that what happens under the effect of chemicals is something fake, just a hallucination and nothing more, something which is not normal and will change back once the experience is over, well you should realize that your whole life is based on chemicals. When you are happy or sad, that is just your endogenous neurobiology secreting chemicals that make you feel that way. When you are having sex, or when you experience pain, it is also caused by chemicals. Even our very perception of reality is based on chemicals. These are endogenous yes, but what about the aspirin you take when you have a headache, the coffee you drink in the morning, the alcohol you have at night in the bars or clubs you visit, or the tobacco you smoke constantly? These are all drugs, and some have far worse effects than others. Alcohol kills thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people yearly. But it is sold openly and freely in most, if not all, western countries and cultures, compared to marijuana which doesn’t have any fatalities from use or under the effects of it but has been illegal for a long time.

I am not saying that we should go out and start using whatever drugs we find, just for the fun of it. This is not the way it was done, and there is a very good reason for that. Instead we should reintroduce the shamans into our worlds, people who can guide us through journeys like this, and protect us. The shamans are a very important part of the whole picture, but there is no use in writing about them at the moment, since they are not accepted and understood. I will elaborate on them another time.  

We won’t have to use the plants forever. Once our perception has been changed and we start to realize things about life, nature, experience, and our interconnectedness with each other we can rebuild things in a better way, a better world for everyone

Maybe the plants are not even needed; maybe we can change things without them, and then again maybe not. Maybe the world is the way it is because we have lost this deeper connection with the wild, and stopped using these substances which come from mushrooms, cactuses, flowers and even animals.

One of these psychedelics is DMT. It is found almost everywhere in nature in small doses, and it is even produced by the human brain. There are theories which state that mystical experiences and trance induced realities are the cause of endogenous DMT secretion. This is fascinating to me, and makes me wonder, what If the answers mankind is searching for are so easily obtained from a plant, a chemical? And what If these things and experiences remain tabooed and illegal? Will we never find what we are looking for? Will we live in this state forever?

Unfortunately I cannot say for sure if the answers and realizations which come in this way are really worth something, but are we not even willing to try it? How long will we accept this world without searching for any means of improvement? The shamanic way has worked for thousands of years, why not now? 

Why not with us?

I feel pressure

I went to school, then to the army (fortunately not for long), then to study. I got a job and I wake up every day at 8, brush my teeth and go to work. I go to work to make money, to buy useless things, to go to places and be overcharged, to be a consumer. Now what? Maybe I should have a serious relationship, get married, get a loan, buy a house, have kids, get a dog, smile and teach my sons and daughters to follow in my footsteps. Is this not the plan? I have to study, I have to get a good job, I have to perform, I have to consume, have a family, be happy and always want more. I have to care for my country, I have to watch the news, I have to vote, and I have to constantly hate someone.

Every day we go through so much pressure, no wonder the world is the way it is. Pressure from our parents, institutions, society, loved ones, close friends, and ourselves. We are always hurrying from one place to another, no time to think, no time to understand, no time to ask ourselves, “is this really what I want to do? Is this really what I want to be?” Some people find time, and ask questions. They are labeled antisocial, problematic, or stupid and delusional. If they ask deeper questions, searching for deeper answers, they are simply swept away by the tide of the people on top, the people where all the pressure is coming from, the people who do not want you to think for yourself, don’t want you to think at all because then you could realize what a scam it all is.

Pressure does not allow you to be here and now, but has you always living in the past worrying, and planning for the future. So it is very logical, when thinking about it, that we are unable to perceive things the way they are now, and can’t make things better, because very simply, one is not living in the here and now.

Pressure to consume is huge. Children are mocked if their shoes are not the newest style. People are frowned upon if their clothes are bought from an outlet store or are not in fashion. If your car is not new, or fast, or doesn’t smell of leather, it is not worthy. “Buy this, you have to, if you do not you will never be fulfilled” “this is the new and improved version, your old one is worthless!” this is the message we get in the end from all the advertising mayhem that exists constantly around us. Possessions take possession of you.

Our country makes us feel proud, gives us a sense of identity and belonging. We fight for it relentlessly and are happy to have the chance to do so, or at least this is the final outcome of the political and social pressure which is pointed toward us. And if we question this we are not patriots, we spit on our ancestors graves, and the ones who shed their blood for us to have what we have today, we become terrorists and antidemocrats, we do not care for our families and we are not grateful for everything which has been given to us, or basically sold to us.

Pressure breaks us, makes us violent and brings up all sorts of negative emotions, which ultimately eat us alive, from inside out. Pressure makes us unable to take matters in our own hands, make choices for ourselves and not for the people around us. It makes us wage war, destroy and pollute, do things we would not normally be doing, and behave in inhumane ways.

People do not perceive pressure and how it is a form of control. I believe that they ignore it, because if they didn’t, and they realized the amount of pressure one is constantly living under, we would automatically be crushed, and feel everything around us crumble to pieces.

I feel conditioned

Have you ever wondered why you are who you are? Why you have the certain style you do, why you wear your hair in a certain way, why you think the way you think?

I cannot escape the feeling that it is all part of our programming. We are all programmed by society, education, the government and so many things around us daily. We are conditioned to our core, and if anyone says otherwise we fight back viciously believing that they want to take away our individuality.

When you are conditioned for a certain part of your life it is impossibly hard to change. And while you think your thoughts are your own, maybe not even that is left up to you anymore. Looking at yourself in the mirror you might not like the way you look, you might think you are too fat, thin, short, ugly, and so on, but that opinion may not belong to you. I am not saying that you should eat anything you want for example, without caring, because this will have consequences on your health and not only on your physical appearance. But throwing up after each meal, starving yourself to death, or spending countless of hours in a gym trying to improve your physical appearance, all this just to look like the models of an Italian runway, the actors of a Hollywood movie, or having the style of a rock band singer is absurd.

One must come to a very striking realization to see at least some of the things which are happening around us, and how controlled one truly is, and how much he wants to be and allows to be conditioned.

We go to school to learn to think a certain way instead of simply to learn to think. The school hours are also conditioning, breeding generations of workers and slaves to the social and economical systems. We go through life believing in these systems, not knowing what else could exist in its place, not trying to find other ways on how to be, this is how programmed to the core we are. Ultimately all systems have flaws, because every system will be just that, a system, which cannot deal with every possibility, and which will most likely have close minded rules, and no room for exceptions.

We are programmed from our birth on how to eat, how to sit, even how to talk, or this is good, this is bad, this is right, this is wrong, this is beautiful, this is ugly. When we are older we hear this voice in our heads, telling us how to think and feel. We believe this voice to be ours and trust it, love it and understand it, when all it is, is other peoples wants, powerful people, who rule us without us realizing it.

When we are born we are truly unconditioned. If an infant had understanding and the power to make clearer choices it wouldn’t choose to wear any particular designer clothes, walk around with 3,000 Euro bags, or drive the new BMW. The needs and wants to do these things will come after careful and deliberate planning from the world around it. From being pure and having simple wants and needs we grow up to consume, destroy, and want things which are utterly useless.

My mother is about 60 years old. Her hair is white but she dyes it black. When I tried to explain to her that she didn’t have to color it, that it’s normal, and she would be beautiful even if she let it grow white, she couldn’t realize what I meant. She said that she didn’t like it being white, it made her look ugly. What I was telling her was so different than what she grew to know, conditioned to know, that she could not accept it. I felt very sorry that I couldn’t explain it so that she could realize that beauty has nothing to do with hair or makeup or clothes. She heard a voice telling her “you look ugly with white hair, it’s disgusting, you have to color it!”

The voice of programming is much deeper than we realize, or even want to realize. Have you ever wondered why you are who you are?
                                   

I feel a lack of faith.

I was born a human being, but I was baptized a Christian. After some years I grew tired of wanting to believe something which was forced upon me, and forced upon me from when I was an infant, from when I was too young to understand anything that was happening around me, let alone grasp the meaning of religion and the depth of faith.

When all I wanted was my mothers bosom and someone to care for me I was given an all seeing all loving father of humanity, a father which I was told from then that I would never grow to understand, that is a “being” so different than what my brain and animalistic features could ever ultimately perceive, that I had to blindly follow, believe and love him, no matter what.

 I believe any conversation on God leads to nothing and is fruitless. If we are children of god, and not of science, we could never understand the Supreme Being. Our minds are not made to understand such a reality as God, only if the concept of the soul exists, and we learn to live with it, could we ever perceive a fraction of what God is, and I repeat, if God exists at all.

 In my opinion all religions are mistaken, because I believe that if we really found the truth on these subjects, it would be impossible to ignore it. It would be so striking that it would automatically be perceived as the truth worldwide and universal. We are far from it, and even if we are close, we are certainly not there yet. Keep in mind that I always speak in my opinion; you don’t have to agree or disagree with me, but please try to understand why these certain opinions have been shaped.

My lack of faith is born from the actions of a politically and economically immoral institution, what we call the church. Since I was born in a Christian society I will mostly write what my problems are here. What automatically comes to mind is this: while poverty is destroying people’s lives, starvation killing them, lack of satisfaction in physical, social and security needs is degrading people and letting them be treated like animals and worse, a priest ordered a microphone with which he would be conducting his daily service. This was a special microphone, gold plated, and its cost was about 30,000 Euros. I keep wondering why this is possible, but unfortunately I do not understand it. I want to delete this from my memory; I do not want to consider it as a possibility. I want to forget all the grand temples I have seen in my life, all the gold, rubies, emeralds nailed on the walls and hanging from the ceilings of churches, which are considered to be spiritual places. I cannot help to think of the countless people in many countries which would benefit from the money spent on things like these, all the lives that could be saved, all the shelters that could be built and people who could be fed. Also, after some thought, something else comes to mind. All this gold and precious stones, where did they come from? How many people were killed digging night and day restlessly in mud, tortured and taken advantage of, people who were made slaves for the gratification of a few. So in reality, when one realizes this, it is easy to see that hanging in churches are corpses and skeletons of the past, and starving children and freezing homeless people of the future.

And this is only considering the decoration of a church and without going in depth to see the corruption and “brainwashing” of entire nations. Christians are either top, or close to the top of the list of groups which have killed the most people in history.

I feel sad.

I am an English Cypriot, I am male, I am tall, and I am from a certain city, a certain street, a certain house, a certain family. I am so many things that you are not, and I feel very sad because of this. I know you might not like me for the things I am, you might even hate me, without even knowing me, and I might hate you back. I know that it would not be easy for you to like me if I was from Germany and you were Jewish, if I was Jewish and you were Palestinian, if I was Turkish and you were Greek or Cypriot. Even if I am with one sports team and you are with another, it would be very easy for you to throw rocks at me, stab me or hurt me in any way you can, and be happy and cheerful in doing so.

We divide ourselves in so many ways, maybe in every conceivable way we can, within society, culture, religion, ethnicity, sports, color and so on. Do we really consider ourselves so different from each other? Do we have to hate each other to survive? Is this where civilization leads to or is it something that goes even further back?

We have our sights set on goals, and we step on each other, kick, punch, scream, and kill each other to reach those goals. The consequences are merely collateral damage, no matter who we disembowel on our road to glory. This is truly one of life’s most frustrating subjects, to those who realize what is happening. Peace, love and understanding sound so alien to ones ear. These are words only hippies use and uneducated pot heads, or at least this is what is believed by the masses. These values are nowhere to be seen or heard of today. How beautiful it would be if each of us treated other people in general as a loving brother and sister. But instead we are led to believe that life is tough and you should be tough in return to survive and get what you want, you should fight for your country and your flag, which is merely land and fabric, you should defend your honor pride and beliefs from the enemy, the enemy which is everyone but you and the people like you, you should turn others into your followers, make them obey, and if they do not, simply kill, kill, kill.

We draw borders outside our houses, where our cities are, where our countries end. We also draw borders which include our religions, our beliefs, our certain social status and economic status. Do we not realize that the real borders are drawn in our minds and hearts? From the moment there is a border mankind is limited, and from the moment we are limited we cannot reach our full potential. Who is to blame for all this? I believe each and every one of us. There is no peace if there is no world peace, there is no love if you do not love everyone, and there is no happiness if people are dying of hunger, diseases, and constant fighting. I know that death and diseases are part of nature and the circle of life, I am not ignorant, but I do believe that sorrow can be lessened, and we can even bring an end to it, if we set aside what we consider our differences, and try to work together as the mankind we truly are.

We are one.

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I feel empty.

There is a void in me which I am trying to fill. Up to now I have come to understand that it is a spiritual void, an emptiness that cannot be filled by anyone or anything. I believe that it can only end with a deeper understanding of everything, a spiritual awakening (if there is such a thing), or a perception of things which I still lack. I have my doubts that any of these things exist, and I hope the human void (because I believe all people have this void but not many choose to accept it) cannot be filled simply with superficial and materialistic existence. If it is so, all philosophers, spiritual and religious people, hermits and intellectuals are living a wasted life , and the people in Hollywood, the glamour seekers, the supermodels, fashion designers, corrupt politicians, company owners, gold diggers, rich people and  many more are doing things “right”.

But if the latter is untrue, why is it so widely accepted? Why is it that people reach a point where they believe in nothing but money and power? Why can’t personal fulfillment be reached without a pocket full of cash? When did we lose our sights on things that are important, only to zoom in on things which have really nothing to do with happiness? Have we really become so blind, or are we just now able to see? Mankind does not seek the answers it used to, it has given up its fight, its freedom, and it is not willing to sacrifice anything for things it used to sacrifice everything for.

I do not understand all this and I am afraid I never will.